Father Moses
YouTube
A Priest on Talking to Women at Church, the Psalter, and Finding a Spouse
10:59
What the video says
A priest answers questions from his school group on practical Orthodox Christian living. Topics include how to talk to someone of the opposite gender at church, whether to read the Psalter silently or aloud, how confidence is built through failure, loving God and neighbor, dealing with an addiction to music, and finding a spouse within the Church. He emphasizes normalcy, balance, effort, and synergy between prayer and action.
Key moments
- To talk to someone of the opposite gender at church, wait until after the dismissal during coffee hour, introduce yourself, and ask normal conversational questions like their name and how long they've been Orthodox.
- Avoid odd questions (favorite spider, anime, watching trains), let the other person speak, give simple answers, and if things go well, suggest getting coffee to get to know each other.
- Reading the Psalter aloud engages multiple senses and helps focus, similar to saying the Jesus prayer aloud when the mind is tired; silent reading is also fine—there's no right or wrong way, only the goal of staying focused.
- Confidence is born from accomplishment, and accomplishment comes through repeated failure; the problem with those who lack confidence is not failing but giving up instead of addressing weaknesses.
- Working in female-dominated jobs is not a problem—the commandments are summarized as loving God and loving neighbor.
- We keep the commandments by keeping the eye of the soul rooted on Christ through the Jesus prayer and remembrance of death, and by loving our neighbor with humility, patience, and forgiveness, exemplifying Christ's gentleness.
- For music addiction: cut back as much as possible, avoid listening while driving or repetitively, and avoid music that stirs anger, bitterness, or depression—music isn't inherently bad, but imbalance is harmful.
- It is legitimate to seek a spouse at church since monasticism and marriage are both paths of salvation; pray but also make effort—visit other parishes, monasteries, and young adult conferences, since God's energy works together with ours.
Father Moses answers practical questions from men in his online community about everyday Orthodox Christian living. The most discussed topic is how to speak with women at church without awkwardness: he advises keeping it simple and normal—wait for coffee hour after the dismissal, introduce yourself, ask ordinary questions like a person's name and how long they have been Orthodox, avoid strange conversation topics, listen well, and, if things go well, suggest getting coffee.
He frames the whole matter as an exercise in normalcy rather than technique. Other questions cover whether to read the Psalter silently or aloud; he says both are fine, since the goal is attention, and reading aloud can help when the mind wanders, much like saying the Jesus prayer aloud when tired. On confidence, he teaches that it grows through accomplishment, which comes through repeated failure—the real problem is giving up rather than addressing weaknesses.
Asked about working in female-dominated environments, he points to the summary of the commandments: love God and love neighbor. On keeping the commandments, he emphasizes keeping the eye of the soul rooted in Christ through the Jesus prayer and remembrance of death, and loving others with humility, patience, and forgiveness. Regarding an addiction to music, he recommends cutting back, avoiding constant listening (for example while driving), and steering away from music that stirs anger, bitterness, or depression—music is not inherently bad, but imbalance harms the soul.
Finally, on finding a spouse within the Church, he affirms that seeking marriage is legitimate since both monasticism and marriage are paths of salvation, but stresses synergy: pray, and also make effort by visiting other parishes, monasteries, and young adult conferences, because God's energy works together with ours. Throughout, the thread's tone is pastoral and practical, stressing balance, effort, and ordinary human decency.
Main points
- Talk to women at church simply: after the dismissal at coffee hour, introduce yourself, ask normal questions, listen, and suggest coffee if it goes well.
- Psalter may be read silently or aloud; the goal is focus, and reading aloud helps when the mind is tired.
- Confidence comes from accomplishment, which comes through repeated failure—do not give up.
- For music addiction: cut back, avoid constant listening and music that feeds anger, bitterness, or depression.
- Seeking a spouse at church is legitimate; pray and also act—visit parishes, monasteries, and conferences, since grace works with our effort.