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Why Willpower Fails: Use Self-Control Early, Then Pray and Flee

Why Willpower Fails: Use Self-Control Early, Then Pray and Flee 12:44

What the video says

A priest explains that self-control naturally collapses as desire rises, so the wise strategy is to use self-control early—when it's strong—to avoid situations of strong temptation altogether. He gives practical examples (Oreos, dating, social media, bars) and advises that when one finds oneself already tempted, the two remedies are the Jesus Prayer and physically fleeing the temptation.

He closes by noting that temptation is a sign of genuine spiritual struggle and love for Christ, who said 'if you love me, you will keep my commandments.'

Key moments

  1. If social media keeps leading you into lust, get rid of it; use self-control to be wise and disciplined.
  2. Everyone has full self-control when desire is low, but as desire rises, self-control naturally collapses.
  3. Use self-control while it is strong to avoid putting yourself in high-temptation situations; failure rates rise with desire.
  4. Advice to men dating: avoid kissing before marriage because desire is already at a maximum—stay out of the danger zone.
  5. The holy fathers teach that man naturally seeks pleasure and avoids pain, mostly through physical gratification.
  6. Old sins and temptations return; the devil provokes old memories of pleasure—be honest with yourself about your weaknesses.
  7. When temptation hits, do two things: say the Jesus Prayer, turning your heart to Christ, and flee temptation rather than fight it.
  8. Love of Christ is shown in the struggle against temptation, not in the absence of temptation; avoiding sin is the way to spiritual progress.

Father Moses argues that self-control is not a reliable weapon against strong temptation, because it collapses as desire rises. Everyone has full self-control when desire is low; push desire past a certain point and willpower fails every time. The wise strategy, therefore, is to use self-control while it is still strong—early, to avoid putting yourself in high-temptation situations altogether.

He illustrates this with everyday examples: if social media keeps leading you into lust, delete it; if certain places or habits pull you down, stay out of the danger zone rather than testing yourself. For men who are dating, he advises avoiding kissing before marriage, since desire is already at its maximum and the failure rate rises with it.

Rooting his point in the holy fathers, he notes that man naturally seeks pleasure and avoids pain, mostly through physical gratification, and that old sins return through memories of pleasure provoked by the devil—so one must be honest about personal weaknesses. When temptation does strike despite precautions, he offers only two moves: say the Jesus Prayer, turning the heart to Christ, and physically flee the situation rather than fight it head-on.

He closes with encouragement that temptation is a sign of genuine spiritual struggle and love for Christ, who said, ‘If you love me, you will keep my commandments.’

Main points

  • Self-control collapses as desire rises; it is strongest when desire is low.
  • Use self-control early to avoid high-temptation situations rather than fighting temptation at full strength.
  • Practical examples: delete social media that leads to lust, avoid kissing before marriage, stay out of bars and other danger zones.
  • When temptation hits, the only two remedies are the Jesus Prayer and physically fleeing the situation.
  • Temptation indicates genuine spiritual struggle and love for Christ; avoiding sin is the path to progress.
113 comments at the source 53K views Original on YouTube ↗

Discussion · 19

Opinions are anonymous retellings of real comments from the original discussion. The same colour marks the same participant.

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  • opinion#87

    St Mary of Egypt spent 45 years in the desert away from temptation. We can't exactly do that, but when possible it's wise to simply distance ourselves from whatever tempts us. The Oreo comparison is exactly right — we should avoid similar situations, like skipping bars, strip clubs, the internet, and so on.

  • opinion#90

    0:00 I deleted every social media app except YouTube and I don't miss any of that brainrot or temptation at all. Now the challenge is keeping my phone away at bedtime and staying productive outside of work hours.

  • opinion#96

    6:11 I was baptized recently, and this literally happened to me the other night — late night doom scrolling got me. I needed this video, thank you Father Moses.

  • opinion#88

    This helps me understand why cigarettes and lust are such a battle for me. The same goes for wasting my money. Lord Jesus, Son of God, have mercy on me.

  • opinion#89

    A very likeable explanation of fasting — spiritual fasting — fasting with the eyes, the ears, the mouth, the stomach, all the senses and desires. Christ is among us, father! Greetings from Serbia.

  • opinion#92

    In the military we call this ORM — Operational Risk Management. Eliminate the threat entirely, reduce the opportunity, or put controls in place to manage it. I got clickbaited here while trying to memorize the fruit of the spirit this month, and it hit me. You got me! Peace, love, joy, long-suffering, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, SELF-CONTROL... and the one I always forget — gentleness! May we all learn to take the love of sin out of our hearts. We will fall down, a lot. But with Christ we can get back up and keep working on our repentance.

  • opinion#93

    I have no self control. I started talking to a woman — the first one interested in me in nearly five years. I'm desperately lonely. We're physically attracted to each other and haven't even met in person yet, but our morals differ. I lean orthodox while she goes to a protestant megachurch, and she holds the common modern view that you need to sleep together before marriage to test compatibility. I've made that mistake before and refuse to repeat it. I'm trying to become a better man and grow closer to God, but lust has plagued me my whole life — I can barely recall a time without it. I blocked her Friday, then unblocked her a few hours ago because ghosting her felt cruel; I've been ghosted myself after two serious relationships and still haven't found closure. Pray for me, father, brothers and sisters in Christ.

  • opinion#97

    The notion that all desire must be annihilated is somewhat Buddhist. Desire is a vital part of human nature and should be directed toward God. Saint Maximus wrote about this.

  • opinion#100

    Sound advice, thank you! I don't know if it counts as a sin, but I'm constantly on Youtube watching videos to avoid thinking and feeling. I have chronic, treatment-resistant depression that I've been fighting for 12 years with no success. Right now my usual anchors are gone and my mind is spiraling — every second is a battle against hurting myself again, and Youtube is the only thing I can think of, though even that takes its toll. I'll delete the internet from my phone so I stop watching from waking until midday and stop using videos to fall asleep. Not sure what to do when the voices and feelings get too loud — maybe grounding exercises or meditation — but rotting my brain isn't helping. Thanks for the advice; tonight I'll pray for the strength to keep living.

  • opinion#95

    Funny thing — I joke with people that in my own home I never buy cakes or chocolates; my self control at the supermarket is strong. But if someone gives me some, that chocolate bar gets devoured without any moderation. Great advice about using self control to stop desires from growing.

  • opinion#91

    I've discovered a trick for self control: turn your own laziness into a weapon against things that are bad for you. It's like "I know I want to and I could... but my chair is so comfortable, I'm broke anyway." Sounds silly, but it genuinely works.

  • opinion#94

    I quit social media for exactly this reason. I also switched on restricted mode so nothing too risqué ever shows up on my screen. Thank you for this. As a devout Catholic I get so much out of your channel, Father. May God bless your vocation.

  • opinion#98

    Solid advice! I wish I'd understood this years ago. My own life confirms the dangers of too much temptation. Far better to crush those thoughts the moment they appear than to let them fester.

  • opinion#105

    I met a genuinely lovely Orthodox woman who seemed interested in me, but she refuses to talk unless I reach out first. No "hi, how are you" during the week—nothing. Getting a conversation going with her is like pulling teeth. Even though everything else lines up well (morally, spiritually), this one issue is a deal-breaker for me. In my view, "being too shy" isn't an acceptable excuse. I can't build a relationship with someone who won't speak to me. She's old-school Russian, very quiet and feminine, and maybe she expects me to carry the entire relationship alone, but that simply won't work.

  • opinion#99

    Thank you, Father. I've been really struggling with lust, porn, and masturbation. It feels so hard to break free. I don't want to fight this forever — I want to actually make progress instead of confessing the same sins every single week.

  • opinion#101

    @0:40 Getting nerdy here: base stats — people don't start with much self control. You have to put points into that stat to level it up, meaning practice, while accepting you'll stumble sometimes. It's also wise to steer far clear of tempting situations and to understand where those situations lead. Check out "The 'Cardinal Virtues' by C.S. Lewis Doodle (BBC Talk 11A, Mere Christianity, Bk 3, Chapter 2)" on youtube — a video explaining virtues and how to cultivate them.

  • opinion#102

    Father, may I ask something? I don't want to blame the enemy (maybe I do), but you said that strong desire weakens self-control. Yet sometimes, even when I've kept control and avoided anything harmful, something appears out of nowhere—something I've managed to resist for 3-6 months. So my question is: if you've engaged in something even once, will the battle last all year, or are there periods when it simply goes away? And if not, how can we flee temptation when our eyes and ears are constantly seeing and hearing things? I believe the best answer is to stay vigilant and pray daily.

  • opinion#103

    Father, how can we as women say "no" to secular men who ask us out or want to be friends, but in a kind way? For example, coworkers we don't want to hurt emotionally, because otherwise the workplace will become unbearable.

  • opinion#104

    Hey Father, I'd be so grateful if you could answer my question 🙏 I'm 18 and I've had a girlfriend for two months now. I met her at our Church, and at first I imagined things would unfold differently—I expected it to be more Orthodox in character, but I don't really know how to do that. What should we actually do together to have a genuinely Christian relationship? Should we pray together, read the Bible together, or what? I've also noticed things have become somewhat duller than at the start, and I now understand this is a long-term commitment. But what do I do over the coming years so our relationship stays healthy and centered on God? We plan to marry at 23 (God willing), but how should things progress? What's permitted, what should we avoid, and how can we glorify God through our relationship? Please help, Father 🙏 I'd be happy to hear an answer from someone ❤️